From Admiral Ackbar’s Lonely Limbs Club Band (2019). A complaint, addressed directly to Han Solo, about the franchise’s habit of killing the people we came for.

The bridge scene

The Force Awakens spends two hours earning back the goodwill of a generation, largely by putting Harrison Ford and a Wookiee back on the Millennium Falcon. Then it walks Han onto a catwalk over an abyss — another unrailed Imperial-style catwalk, we note for the record — and has his son run him through.

It’s a good scene. It’s well acted. We’re still not over it, and this song is the receipt.

And then he was in another one anyway

Two years after killing him, Lucasfilm released Solo — a whole film about the guy they’d just killed, played by somebody else. Which is the thing about a franchise with a timeline this elastic: death is a scheduling preference.

The second verse walks through it. He meets Chewbacca, gets his heart broken by Qi’ra, and shoots Woody Harrelson on a beach, in that order.

The Maul problem

Then Solo ends with Qi’ra taking a call from Darth Maul, revealing Crimson Dawn is a Sith operation, and the song pivots into wanting that sequel instead.

We never got it. Solo underperformed, the follow-up quietly evaporated, and Qi’ra’s story eventually surfaced in the Marvel comics instead — she turns up leading Crimson Dawn in the Crimson Reign run. Which is something, but it isn’t a movie.

So the song is now a historical document: two specific requests to Lucasfilm, both denied, preserved in three and a half minutes of rock.

Lyrics

When you first made the scene
In that bar on Tattooine
I think most fans would agree
You and Chewie made the best on-screen team
So when I saw The Force Awakens
You can imagine my delight
When you stepped into the Falcon
With that furball at your side

But at the end of the film
You were killed by your own son
But two years later
You would be in another one

‘Cause Han, it’s too early
You know we’re gonna need another chance to watch you speed through the stars
And Han, it’s too early
You know that we all love your penchant for blasting creatures in bars
Won’t be the last we see ya
We know there’s gonna be another way

And in Solo we all see
How you met with the Wookiee
Got your heart stomped to smithereens
Shot Woody Harrelson on the beach

But at the end of the film
Qi’ra speaks with Darth Maul
Now that’s a sequel
I could really go for

‘Cause Maul, it’s too early
I hope we’re gonna get another chance to watch you speed through the stars
And Maul, it’s too early
I really wanna know what comes next for the Crimson Dawn
Won’t be the last we see ya
I hope there’s gonna be another way

Won’t be the last we see ya
I know there’s gonna be another way

“Stop Killing Our Favorites” appears on Admiral Ackbar’s Lonely Limbs Club Band by The Han Solo Project. Related: The Rise And Fall And Rise And Fall of Maul. More lyrics, or use this song in your podcast for free.