Now that we can look back on The Rise of Skywalker with less noise from all of the loud opinions people shared, I wanted to add a bit more thoughts on Snoke and whether or not he was a waste of a character.

If you reframe your perspective to think of him as a puppet, it ends up being a big play to just amplify how powerful Sidious really was…

Snoke had already established a relationship with Ben and was there and ready when he came running after Luke’s assassination contemplation. (More on how Ben became Kylo and what “The Ren” is here.)

In addition to positioning Snoke as Ben Solo’s mentor/friend, (similar to how Palpatine positioned himself with Anakin) Sidious was also acting as the voice of Darth Vader within Ben’s head… gradually pushing him closer and closer to the dark side… taking some dark actions like killing his father.

We didn’t go into all of that in the song, because we wrote it before the comic and The Rise of Skywalker were released, but maybe it’s a character or plot worth revisiting?

The Song

https://open.spotify.com/track/0eipj7OPTSYxy7jSxX2yWa?si=6fe34ab0a3644678

Lyrics

Snoke got smoked in his own chamber
While up on this throne he got cut by a laser
But I don’t mind, he was a bad guy indeed
And they didn’t do enough with his back-story

Oh yeah
So I don’t mind
Oh yeah
So I don’t mind

Yeah Snoke got smoked by Kylo Ren
He should not have gone and messed with that young Solo, Ben
But are we really supposed to gasp and shout
When a villain dies that we know nothing about?

Oh no
I don’t think so
Oh no
I don’t think so

Based on my recollection, he wasn’t that evil
Never killed no one or talked about it much either
But in The Force Awakens he was clearly their leader
I expected big things from him
But there’s still one more film coming yet
For them to prove me wrong
And if they do I’ll right a song about it

Snoke got smoked (x6)

These words have filled the pages
Of the Jedi tomes of age
For several thousand years before
But all that ends today
I’m gonna burn it down in a rage
And bring an end to the whole Jedi Order
A sad finale to what I’ve been for years

The Sith are dying to finish our little gang
They’ll never stop trying to finish our little gang
The Sith are dying to finish our little gang
They’ll never stop trying to finish our little gang

Though Kylo Ren betrayed me
I realize my mistake
I should have seen the trap I was falling for
But to move through all my shame
The Rebellion I’ll save
From the clutches of the First Order
The best remedy to how it’s been for years

The Sith are dying to finish our little gang
They’ll never stop trying to finish our little gang
The Sith are dying to finish our little gang
They’ll never stop trying to finish our little gang

A sad summary of how it’s been for years

The Sith are dying to finish our little gang
They’ll never stop trying to finish our little gang
And when it’s over and I’m one with The Force again
To keep the Jedi alive I know I’ll have to count on Rey

Without the Jedi around it don’t mean The Force won’t flow
The texts ain’t needed no more, that’s just what Yoda told
I’ll give this my last breath and then I’ve got to go
The true legacy of Skywalker has grown

 

When you’re chasing Storm Troopers round the corner and
It’s a trap!
When you assault the second Death Star next to Endor and
It’s a trap!
When you see a piece of meat hanging from a tree
It’s a trap!
When you break into Snoke’s ship to set the Rebels free
It’s a trap!

It’s a trap! (x7)

When you’re trying to escape into a garbage chute
It’s a trap!
When you’re General Hux and Poe is stalling you
It’s a trap!
When you go to Cloud City and see Vader’s there
It’s a trap!
When you find yourself dropped into a Rancor’s lair
It’s a trap!

It’s a trap! (x7)

Yeah we’re smokin’ like YOLO
Cruisin’ up in outer space like Han Solo
And you think why’s a guy like me
Super fly like me
Ridin’ through the galaxy for?
Yeah we’re higher than the ozone
Party’s hoppin’ with aliens with no clothes on
And you think why’s a guy like me
Super fly like me
Ridin’ through the galaxy for?

‘Cause we’re in the trap again
With the Sith’s wrath again
Think it’s time we brought a little rap back again
There’s been a lot of weird crap happenin’
Like what’s the point of BB-8, Rose, and Finn
Going to Canto Bight
When there was no use in hindsight?
Just to make the young Rebel sparks ignite?
This is the kinda stuff that keeps me up at night
What Kylo said about Rey’s parents was it wrong or right?
Truth or lying?
Questions multiplying
A move like Mary Poppins stoppin’ Leia from dying
We gotta get all this answered
Check what the fans heard online
JJ Abrams better not pull another “Lost” this time
(You’d better not JJ!)
Or else it’s a trap like Ackbar
Bitches try to act hard
When the ninth film drops
You can find me at the snack bar

(Hey!)
We buyin’ whole planets ’cause our pockets so deep
(So deep)
Takin’ shots like my name was Annie Oakley
So notorious that Boba Fett is tryin’ to own me
(Own me)
But he can’t slow me down
Got three X-Wings in my cargo
Wanna see a man go far?
Go past the embargo?
To Naboo, it’s cool, there’s a star
So we’d better turn around
Go back to the bar
We goin’ light speed so you better hold tight
(Hold tight!)
We got the right beat so we dancin’ all night
See I’m all/Maul red-faced as the Crimson Dawn
Got this club blowin’ up like it’s Alderaan

Yeah we’re smokin’ like YOLO
Cruisin’ up in outer space like Han Solo
And you think why’s a guy like me
Super fly like me
Ridin’ through the galaxy for?
Yeah we’re higher than the ozone
Party’s hoppin’ with aliens with no clothes on
And you think why’s a guy like me
Super fly like me
Ridin’ through the galaxy for?

In most every scene
There are wars happening upon the screen
It’s a nightmare
But we laugh about it now
And that’s for the kids
Well they need cute animals to make sense of it
So we give them Ewoks and Porgs
So they can chill out
But deep down we all know what it’s all about

‘Cause everything’s filled with violence these days
But everyone needs some comic relief
The way we do it glosses on the things that are wrong
Put our rose shades on
And we see our reflections back in the worst ones

Take Tattooine
Where these kids are slaves and never set free
And then later we’ll see Darth Maul get cut in half
But then Jar Jar zaps his tongue so we can all laugh
And again we’ll see more dismemberment in Episode 3
On Mustafar where Vader gets his legs slashed
But hey, he’s a pretty bad guy so it’s alright I guess

‘Cause everything’s filled with violence these days
But everyone needs some comic relief
The way we do it glosses on the things that are wrong
Put our rose shades on
And we see our reflections back in the worst ones
And we see our reflections back in the worst ones

‘Cause everything’s filled with violence these days
But everyone needs some comic relief
The way we do it glosses on the things that are wrong
Put our rose shades on
And we see our reflections back in the worst ones

The Smoothness

One of the best ways to show how smooth he is, is to showcase some of his best moments.

“Smuggler? Such a small word. I’m more of a… galactic entrepreneur.”

“Yeah, I’m responsible these days. It’s the price you pay for being successful.”

“You might want to buckle up, baby.”

“Why you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler. You’ve got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled.”

Lyrics

Don’t you get it?
You can’t bring down this man
You better quit it
And get out while you still can
He’s got the galaxy’s fastest ship
And he shoots right from the hip
But we know he’s at his best
When he’s with Chewie and Han

He’s mean with a blaster
Keen, with a little bit of suave
(That’s right)
(Alright let’s take it to the bridge, take it to the bridge now… a 1-2-3)

He’s smooth (Lando)
That’s right, I said smooth (Lando)
Smooth (Lando)
So damn smooth (Lando)

Don’t you test him
When he’s playing Sabacc
You’ll never best him
Unless you know what he’s got
He has something up his sleeves
Because he’s gambling with thieves
But when Han takes that away
The card game ends in a shock

He may be a-cheatin’
But you can beat him if you’re sharp
(You got to be sharp)

 

Seeds of the Rebellion live in Canto Bight
Where the kids are Force-positive and they share tales at night
About ol’ Finn and Rose, and the story goes
How they busted up the place
And when they bring up Master Luke
You can see the sparks shine on their faces

Ain’t it crazy how word spreads?
Seems like these kids know everything

Yeah they took the fathiers and rode them around
And in their efforts to escape they tore up this whole town
They never did get caught, the cops blew their shot
Then Rose and Finn flew far away
After breaking from their cell with a little help
From BB-8 and DJ

And all I want is to join the cause
And all I want is to go to the stars
And help the Rebels set my people free
And that’s why you’ve got to believe in me when I say

We’ll escape this place I swear to you (x6)
And I’ll never stop doing what I can do
Never stop doing what I can do to make it true now
We’ll escape this place I swear to you (x6)

Presumed dead by Obi-Wan
But to bring him back from the edge is a brother’s job
And that’s where we met ol’ Talzin and Savage
When she sent him to Lotho Minor to find Maul
And how could we have guessed what would happen next?
Robot legs upgraded and his mind fixed
Now Maul is ready to conquer again
Starting with a plan for some sweet revenge

Going from a Sith lord to crazy in a garbage dump
You might think to yourself “Maybe the worst is done”
But getting tunnel vision stuck on your revenge
Is the kind of decision that brings about your own end

Should have killed Obi-Wan when you had the shot
Now you’re lost in space and eventually caught
By some Mandalorians called the Death Watch
And that’s what we call the rise and fall and rise and fall of Maul

But wait–it’s not the end
He makes some deals to overthrow the power and take control again
But unlike Florrum, it’ll work this time
Bring Black Sun, Pyke, and Hutt together to solidify a regime of crime
But he still wants more
Engineering Satine’s near escape to lure Obi-Wan to Mandalore
And this move attracts an uninvited guest
Darth Sidious rolls up in his ship and he is totally pissed

Going from a Sith lord to crazy in a garbage dump
You might think to yourself “Maybe the worst is done”
But getting tunnel vision stuck on your revenge
Is the kind of decision that brings about your own end

Should have killed Obi-Wan when you had the shot
Now Savage is dead and you’re being shocked
By Force Lightning from Sidious, he’s got some plot
And that’s what we call the rise and fall and rise and fall and rise and fall and rise and fall and rise and fall and rise and fall of Maul

Have you ever noticed that Obi-Wan has a strong tendency to de-limb? It’s not just him but considering what a “good guy” he’s painted to be, the guy has some very violent tendencies. He trains Luke for a brief period of time and then young Skywalker starts taking limbs off of monsters/people pretty quickly… Just saying… THINK ABOUT IT!

There is a lot of limb loss in Star Wars so we put together a nice little song to chronicle some of those key moments. In fact, there’s an entire page dedicated to dismemberment on Wookiepedia.

Lyrics

We see it happen first to poor C3PO
When he’s attacked by a Tuscan Raider
Early in A New Hope
But there’s not much harm
For a droid to lose an arm
Still I’m sure he’d start saying

Give me a hand
Give me a hand
That desert walk didn’t go as I had planned
Give me a hand
Give me a hand
At least I’ve still got legs on so that I can stand
Anyway, droids don’t know how it hurts the same
Droids don’t know how it hurts the same

Then Ponda Baba feels the wrath of Obi-Wan
But we all know that he’s not the only one
There’s Zam Wesell and the Acklay
Anakin and both his legs
Yeah even Grievous would start saying

Give me a hand
Give me a hand
That last fight did not go as I had planned
Give me a hand
Give me a hand
At least I’ve still got legs on so that I can stand
Anyway, Grievous won’t feel the hurt the same
Grievous won’t feel the hurt the same

Well Obi-Wan passed it onto the Skywalkers, it’s true
When young Luke cut the Wampa
And Anakin got Windu and Dooku
But let’s not forget the trade-off
Of Luke and his daddy
A hand for a hand
And that’s what I call chopping
Limbs off your family tree

Give me a hand
Give me a hand
That last fight did not go as I had planned
Give me a hand
Give me a hand
At least I’ve still got legs on so that I can stand
Anyway, droids don’t know how it hurts the same
Droids don’t know how it hurts the same
Droids don’t know how it hurts the same
Droids don’t know how it hurts the same

They really missed the mark
When they built the Death Star
Oh, and I know that you probably think
I’m talking about the little hole that you shoot in to blow it up
But not today
I just mean the basic amenities
Like rails on the walkways
So if you trip you don’t end up falling a thousand feet

And it’s gonna be a long ride
‘Cause working here is suicide
And it’s gonna be a long ride
‘Cause working here is suicide

It really seems to me
That there’s no wheelchair accessibility
And based on what I’ve seen
They don’t hire with equal opportunity
But someone, sometime, must have asked for railings
I guess that’s one way to get your Storm Troopers not to lean

And it’s gonna be a long ride
‘Cause working here is suicide
And it’s gonna be a long ride
‘Cause working here is suicide
Suicide

This ship’s not OSHA approved
This ship’s not OSHA approved
Don’t walk beside me
I’ll be crawling down on my knees
This ship’s not OSHA approved
This ship’s not OSHA approved
Somebody find me a better ship to ride please
Don’t trip, you’ll fall to your doom
Don’t trip, you’ll fall to your doom
Someone explain to me how the Ewoks beat these guys in workplace safety

No seriously, how is it that the most advanced, resourceful, and powerful civilization in the galaxy
Somehow has facilities that are more dangerous than the ones built by some furballs on Endor
Who haven’t even discovered electricity yet
Just because they at least bothered to put some frickin’ ropes up in their treehouses
So no one falls down
Aw yeah!

(And it’s gonna be a long ride)
(And it’s gonna be a long ride)
(Long ride)

When you first made the scene
In that bar on Tattooine
I think most fans would agree
You and Chewie made the best on-screen team
So when I saw The Force Awakens
You can imagine my delight
When you stepped into the Falcon
With that furball at your side

But at the end of the film
You were killed by your own son
But two years later
You would be in another one

‘Cause Han, it’s too early
You know we’re gonna need another chance to watch you speed through the stars
And Han, it’s too early
You know that we all love your penchant for blasting creatures in bars
Won’t be the last we see ya
We know there’s gonna be another way

And in Solo we all see
How you met with the Wookiee
Got your heart stomped to smithereens
Shot Woody Harrelson on the beach

But at the end of the film
Qi’ra speaks with Darth Maul
Now that’s a sequel
I could really go for

‘Cause Maul, it’s too early
I hope we’re gonna get another chance to watch you speed through the stars
And Maul, it’s too early
I really wanna know what comes next for the Crimson Dawn
Won’t be the last we see ya
I hope there’s gonna be another way

Won’t be the last we see ya
I know there’s gonna be another way